I make a new start in life
July 8, 2005, 11:44 am

Nobody reads this. and that's probably good. i have started in arizona with limitless merit. i needed somewhere to stay, and i have been more than accommodated. i needed a job, and have found myself within the throes of a company that quite possibly needs me more than they even realize.

but more importantly than all that is this. i am riding the bus.

the bus is an experience unto itself. public transportation gives form to some of life's most pathetic wretches, and some of humanity's most noble ventures. some of the people that board the bus have not bathed in weeks. some of their minds are so far gone that they ramble on to themselves, or to anybody that will listen to them... or to anybody they THINK is listening to them. but some of the people who ride the bus make extraordinary acts of ordinary kindness. when wheelchair bound people get on the bus, everybody calmly gets up out of the seats that fold in, to leave room for the wheelchair. if somebody knows the procedure they will usually find the latch, release the seat, and probably help the person secure themselves into the wheelchair latch. it is quite amazing, refreshing, and it renews my faith in humanity.

i ride the 8:00 in the morning, and the 6:00 at night. i go from university and stone, to oracle and rudasill, and then back from rudasill and oracle, to stone and university. i talk to very few people. but some of them talk to me. i have been asked for smokes and money three times now, in as many days. i assume it is because i look like i have money. i have to explain to the poor beasts, that i have no money, i have no cigs, and my sister bought me these clothes for my job. some of you might be offended by my calling them beasts, but i say that only because their minds are gone. they have only just enough will to keep going. but that's all. they have become nothing more than animals, running on the instinct to preserve their own pathetic lives. some of you might even STILL be offended. and to that, i say, you just haven't met the people who proposition me.

i got on an empty bus today, after work. it continued to be desolate until we reached the transit center at tohono tadai. about 10 people got on here, including a family. a man, a woman, and their four children. the man and woman could not have been out of their twenties. the eldest boy looked about five, and the youngest was a little girl. she was slightly pudgy, and far to big for the slender figure of her mother to be carrying her. yet that is exactly what happened. two boys sat behind the father, and the other boy sat with his mother, carrying the rotund little girl, in front of the father. the girl would reach for the little boy in what appeared to be affection. i couldn't venture a guess as to how old she was, but she was young enough that she needed to be carried, and seemingly held aloft, lest she fall over in any direction. the boy gave her his hand, and she bit it. he cried out in shock, but the next minute was giving her his hand again.

later, the little girl started to cry. she would wail out for no apparent reason, until the father would take her hand, and hit his with hers, and say "ouch", and she would begin to laugh. i say begin, but that is not quite the right way to say it. one minute she would be crying intently, and the next she would be giggling hysterically. it was a profound moment in my life, as i watched the daughter constantly begin to cry again, and then turn right back around when she had "assaulted" her father.

i got off the bus, and came home. and now i sit, writing these notes. i find myself wanting to do this everyday, but i fear i won't be able to stick to it. i can only hope that i prove my on misgivings wrong.