Don't hold onto hate
May 30, 2018, 5:48 pm

Today has been a disheartening day for me. The amount of people I've seen defend racism is staggering. But the worst is the casual ambivalence toward what people are referring to as "only a little racist" or "just racist that one time". As if that's how it works. I don't know what to do with this information, but I know that I compiled the data from numerous sources.

I'm not sure I'll ever have the answers. Maybe no one ever will. But I like to think I can at least see the forest when it comes to this kind of thing.

Keep examining yourself, folks. Cut out hate where you find it. Latch onto love if you can. I'm not talking about backing off of your principles. I'm not saying be a pushover. I'm saying choose to be kind rather than mean. Truly mean. You can be playful. Don't be cruel. Don't hold that in your heart.

Tags: self, journal

Making plans and telling people about them
August 8, 2017, 9:26 am

If you don't follow Max Landis on youtube, you should. He is an interestingly polarizing figure in pop culture today, and he makes videos that talk about screen writing and the screen writing process. He is a suddenly prolific writer. Go check his credits on IMDB. I bet you've seen one of the movies he's touched, and didn't even know it. Now, one of his continual points in his youtube is to never judge a movie by his name, because his script got chosen, even if the movie didn't follow it. But I tend to like the movies he's done. In terms of script.

That's a side topic though. I want to touch on his thought in the above youtube video. Never tell anyone your plans. If you started watching and stopped, go back and watch it through, it's less than 2 minutes. His most important thoughts come after the preamble. He says don't tell people your plans, until they're finalized. Don't wag your mouth about meetings and the things you're working on.

Don't follow his advice, and withhold your exciting developments, because people might judge you. You shouldn't care too much how people judge you. Follow his advice because of how it might end up making you feel. Bad. Don't put yourself in a situation of hyping up something that hasn't been confirmed, only to have to explain to someone later that it didn't happen. Not because they'll be disappointed, but because you will be.

I'm generally awful at following this advice. I have plans all the time. I want to do more art. I want to write. I want to play music. I want to practice my spanish. I need to practice my mandarin. I should clean my house. I'll work on an app this weekend. I'll exercise every morning. I'm going to eat better. All of these thoughts are fine in your head. But when you start telling people them, they put anxiety into your head space.

Now maybe you thrive on anxiety. Maybe you need the social pressure of failure to do great things. I can get behind that. But for me, I end up feeling like it doesn't help. It just makes me feel bad every time I'm not doing the thing.

I've been using a phrase more often in my life. "An appropriate amount of selfishness". I think selfishness gets a bad rap sometimes, because we are told we should care for others more than ourselves. But I am of the opinion that you can't care for anyone else, until you care for yourself more. I think you need to have an appropriate amount of selfish pride, selfish secrets, selfish joy, selfish time, and selfish gain. Care for yourself enough to give yourself the things you need. Be selfish enough not to hurt yourself for the pride of others.

I'm trying to live my life better and improve.

... ah shit, I just did it again, didn't I?

You don't have to rationalize it
July 20, 2017, 8:53 am

Not everything needs to be explained. Not everything needs to have a reason to happen. And most certainly nothing needs to be explained for you. The search for a rationale for anything that has happened is often as useless as worrying about the things that haven't happened yet.

Spend less of your time trying to figure out a culprit and move forward with your day. Don't worry about things you can't change, and instead make sure to notice the things in which you can affect a change.

Be a rational realist optimist.

Examine and dissect and question and study. Accept nothing except everything.

Look at the world as it is, not as you wish it to be. Revel in the strengths that you have, instead of pining for the rewards of the strengths of others. Enjoy the moment whenever you can, and this takes practice.


Whenever you are walking down the street with someone else, and you think about how beautiful a tree or a building or a woman or a puppy is, say it out loud. Include the world around you in your moment of joy. Don't be selfish with your pleasant outlook on life. Smile at someone.


Give when you can, and hoard until you don't need to. Be open to fun nights. Tell people "no" every once in a while, but don't dissemble about why. Take a night for yourself. Be honest with yourself more than anyone else. Stop calling them cheat days. Do what you want, and if you want to change DO IT.

If you want to change do it. It doesn't have to happen all at once. Set a date and stick to it. Start small and work your way up. Practice takes time and you have to practice this change. Baby steps. Do a little every day. Clean one corner of one room every day. Do 5 push-ups every morning.

Love yourself enough to be appropriately selfish, and then give the rest to others.

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