in which i twitter
February 21, 2009, 1:54 pm

so yeah. this new phone is either the best thing ever or the worst. i'm still on the phone. fence. i'm still on the fence. listen. i got twitter.

let me repeat that. i am on twitter. it's the most awesome thing ever.

... if you're in los angeles.

if you're not in los angeles, and you don't like ashton kutcher? FUCK OFF! twitter is not for you. cuz ashton and demi twitter all the time, and it's great. i love them. they are so fucking cute. talking about fashion week one minute and kabbalah the next? it's like the ultimate example of duality. but i love it. i love the digg boys, and greg grunberg and kevin pollack and wil wheaton and brian bendis, and i even love lance armstrong, that grandstanding fuck. STOP DOING SO MUCH WITH YOUR LIFE. i love twitter. it's amazing.

but if you don't live in los angeles, you won't get it, so don't fucking bother with it. or find your own network, i don't know. but don't complain to me cuz you think it's pointless. it's not. this is how i stay aware of what's going down in hollywood. and it's important, cuz i live here. so when felicia day says she's doing a show, i perk up. but i wouldn't know without twitter. it's brilliant. also, i love the whole stream of consciousness aspect of it.

i dunno. i've been trying to evangelize twitter to everyone, and i just feel like no one really gets it. except me and this core group of comic creators and actors. but not musicians. they follow everyone who follows them. it defeats the purpose. come on matisyahu, you don't need to follow us, we follow you.


in which i have a new phone
February 6, 2009, 2:28 pm

So I waited it out, and the blackberry pearl finally dipped down to free on the Verizon site. So I got it. So far this has been a good decision. I had a little scare when I thought the scroll button wasn't working. But it seems my fears we're unfounded for the time. I'm hoping nothing else goes awry. I also hope I get more opportunities to use the word awry in my day to day interactions.


in which i'm seriously starting to hate this naming convention
January 18, 2009, 7:45 pm

so i am a lead at my new job now. but i'm not actually. just sort of.

... if that confuses you, then welcome to my job situation. a work situation that, for the most part, has been dominated by women, but now has, i think, a balance of men and women. it will be intersting to see where things go from here. i think a woman can be great at leading, but get a group of them together and i have never seen such petty bickering and backstabbing. and that goes for all women. i love em, but that never changes.

um... so i dunno if i should do this or not, but i thought since he's grabbing the music from elsewhere it'd be fine. see how this works out. could be a nice way to showcase music. totally just grabbed this player off of songs to wear pants to, as well as the song.

... hmmm... let's try one of my songs.

that was a fun deviation. back to the topic at hand. i want to do well at whatever i'm doing. i have an intense urge to succeed. some people take a job, tho they feel it's beneath them, and since they have that evaluation of the quality of the job they're working, the work they do reflects that evaluation. but... but not me, man. i give myself over. wholly. i devote. i want to succeed, and i know that the only way i can succeed is for my company to succeed. i need to know every facet of my job. the people i work with, and the work that goes on around me. because if i'm not aware of what's happening around me, how can i possibly do my job to it's fullest.

i remember watching a movie about the basketball player pistol pete, where he's playing and he no looks the ball at his teammate, but the other player isn't paying attention to what's going on and gets beaned in the face. you see, you can't perform to the best of your abilities, if you're only paying attention to yourself. you have to be watching everyone else around you. you have to survey the entire court. only then can you rise to the level of greatness. but i also remember that his teammates resented him for that in the beginning. to use another sports movie analogy, remember the movie rudy, when rudy tackles the one player and the player berates him saying that he's playing like it's the super bowl even tho it's just practice. most people are willing to just glide through their life and work, without ever giving any effort, and they resent anyone that does. especially if that effort gets the other person noticed.

i've only been with this company for a very short amount of time, but i'm already moving up the ranks. i'm hoping i can manage to motivate while not alienating the people who have been gliding for a while. i want to blow some upward momentum into those sails.


in which i watch movies
January 10, 2009, 2:28 am

i've been watching a lot of westerns lately. one might say that i'm on a western 'kick'. especially if one were me. it started with a little movie called sukiyaki western django. i japanese western by the great horror director takashi miike. the i saw 3:10 to yuma, and appaloosa, and then i rewatched the quick and the dead. then i watched hidalgo, and last night i watched shane for the first time ever. and you can read my thoughts on that in the previous post.

now i have a bunch queued up. true grit, high noon, and the good the bad and the ugly. if you know of any classic westerns i should see, tell me.


in which shane lives
January 9, 2009, 3:48 pm

fuck all of the nay sayers, SHANE LIVES, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!! SHANE LIVES!!




in which i am borderline racist
January 4, 2009, 11:40 am

but i believe i have discovered the definition of irony. and it is the muslim people greeting each other with the phrase assalamu alaikum, which means peace be unto you. i never knew what it meant until now. and i had a sad chuckle when i learned what it meant.

i drew a bunch today. i'm kind of proud of most of what i did. tonight i'm going to be hitting the cd release party of my friend boodie's band. they are called guild. i've never heard them, so i hope they're good.


in which i am sleepy
December 30, 2008, 7:30 pm

it's late. i got to go out with aaron and christian. christian is slightly japanese, i am white, and aaron has an afro. we went to a straight up mexican bar, where the waitresses did not speak a bit of english. and somehow, we got through the night alright. in fact, those might've been the three best cervesas of my life.

i had fun. i got to talk with christian a little, and aaron for the first time. we drove through the thickest fog i've seen in ages. it was craziness. and we talked about going to tijuana, which i really want to do. i also talked with my friend ox a bit ago about going to south africa in 2010 for the world cup, and i actually talked with another friend about going to south america for the... 2016? world cup? i dunno. i can't remember. suffice to say, this ombre gonna be wearin red white and blue some day soon, and kickin the shit out of anybody in apposing colors that he can lay his hands on.

also, i moved into my new place. i'm on the floor now, but that's by choice.


it has been a long time
December 29, 2008, 1:50 pm

a very long time. i often neglect this place. but i like weblogs. i doubt more than 3 people read this, but it's more for me, anyways. sometimes i see people with private blogs or posts, and i wonder if i'll ever have to do that, but i hope not. i like the freedom of writing whatever i want to write here. the excitement of knowing someone might see it who shouldn't. the hope that someone will see it who should. the joy of not hiding for a small moment of my life, and letting it all hang out.

i've been watching the tv show weeds recently.

and i don't know how to embed youtube videos anymore, so here is a link to a clip that ensures that the next time you wonder to yourself, "what kind of changes is my body going through right now?" you'll have answers at your fingertips. it features the character andy, the brother of the protagonists dead husband, who is giving said protagonist's son a lesson in... manly things. it's pretty much brilliant.

jon and i did a marathon over the past 3 days and watched all four seasons of weeds. the show is pretty great. it's a little bit funny, it's a little bit sexy, it's a little bit stonery. but it's great. i highly endorse it.

i went back to tucson for christmas. i saw my family again. saw my home. my sister was huge. is huge. that baby is gonna kick right through her any day now. i'm pretty excited. i really want our family to exist beyond us.

it's... something i never thought i would ever think about. i was so young once. i can't decide whether i think back on it fondly or not. there was a time when i knew nothing. i can recall it distinctly. i remember the first time i cursed. i remember the first time i did it with abandon. but i also remember when i would rebuke people for cursing around me. i remember when i smoked my first cigarette, and i remember when i smoked my first joint. i'll never forget my first big hard bong rip. but i still find the act of smoking repugnant. it makes me sick, and DESTROYS my immune system. it smells and it hurts my lungs. i hate coughing.

but i still do it. i'm too dumb not to.

... this is going to be a long rambling post. get out now while you still can.

i wonder how many people go back and read their diaries. much less their old blogs. it's a very fascinating record keeping system of something that will surely never be checked again. perhaps ever. maybe one day there will be people paid to read through old blogs. it will be their job to catalogue the early part of this century and the only way to do it will be to read about little girls bitching about each other, young boys pondering life, and hypocrites talking about things they don't like.

i like to go back and read my old blogs sometimes. on the wayback machine. oh many, remember when rob would write on my blog? you know the old evilstar blog is actually still available. i hope it stays that way. i actually really hope that some day we use it again. those are definitely days i look back on with fondness. when me and laureen, and holly, and mike, and tarsh, and... whoever that other guy was, had our webcam portal and would goof off all the time on it. i seriously miss those days on the internet.

and now there is facebook. and now i just found out that the first girl i ever had a huge crush on is engaged. and it sort of.. hit me hard. i'm 27. i know that most people never do anything til their 30's, but man... i'm knocking on that door. and i'm at sea. awash. i am floundering, no matter the depths of my good intentions. i moved out to california to get a new start, and all i've found is an arm cramp from trying so desperately hard to hang on to the edge. but the problem is, it's not a real ledge. it's a movie ledge. because i have a floor 2 feet below me. i'm rock climbing in a gym, because the real thing scares me to death. i should've moved to europe. I SHOULD'VE SEEN EUROPE. i need to go to mexico. why did i never go to canada? i've been near both borders, right goddamn next to them, for over 10 years now.

and now i'm here. being kicked out of my apartment. i just put most of my things into a van and watched it drive away and trusted that it was being sent to a storage unit to house my things. half of my things will be there, half of my things will be at christian's place, and half of them will still be back at my parents' home. i hate starting over. inevitably i forget something, and i'll be too lazy to go retrieve it, and so instead i will just buy a new one. at once i am the path of least resistance, and all at the same time i am a person who instigates conflict.

and now jon and larissa are watching red vs blue. i've lost the will to write any more. maybe i'll write more later.


in which i lie in pain
October 6, 2008, 10:50 pm

i am in the most incredible amount of pain right now. my mouth is torturing me for the sins of my youth. when i was young, and for the purpose of this story, we'll consider young up to a couple months ago, i did not regularly brush my teeth. indeed, it could be said that i rarely, nay perhaps never, brushed my teeth. it was never part of my daily regimen in childhood, and so it never carried over into adulthood. a couple years ago, one of my bottom right molars popped off the inner back corner of itself. so far this has merely been a minor inconvenience. things would get stuck in it, i found myself wielding a toothpick more often than not.

but the last two nights, it has moved over into the threshold of villainy. my mouth has taken it upon itself to teach me a lesson for bad oral hygiene. last night i writhed in pain, without rest or relenting. eventually i went to the store, and i bought three items. 1: some benzocaine, namely orasol. i had read that this would relieve my pain, and achingly, i sought it out. 2: advil. i figured it always comes in handy, and i did not have any at the time. 3: some fingernail clippers. my toenails were a sight, and in severe need of clipping.

it turns out that benzocaine is a farce. oh sure, it dulls your mouth so that you can't feel anything but numb... for maybe 5 minutes. then the pain returns. against the expressed directions of the bottle, i applied it again, more thoroughly, only to find a similar result. i somehow passed out eventually, well into the morning, and hoped that my problems were over.

but tonight the pain returned. slowly at first, then rising like a crescendo, tremulously straining towards the apex of torture. once again the benzocaine is useless to me. but only now do i actually read the bottle of advil. oh look, helps with TOOTHACHES. we shall see. they say it can take a while for it to take effect. so here i sit. typing at my soon to be replaced laptop just hoping that eventually the discomfort will subside.

dear god, take this pain away long enough for me to go visit some nice person dressed in white who will tear this tainted tooth from my trap.