ok look here
May 17, 2007, 5:23 pm

all i ever see is grant's posts and sometimes i'm drunk. like now. drunk. the point is, sometimes i post drunk and that just makes evettyyrhing more interesting. if all i ever did wqas post regular that wuiould be pboring. but think how much more intereisting this is by watching mer [ost drunk. ...

... much more interesitging. ...

... totally.

giving it up to god
May 11, 2007, 8:19 pm

so there is a guy in tucson arizona named god. he is the father of a woman named jill, who owns a bar named che's next to the bar i work at named bison witches. tonight, i got branded by him. not metaphysically, or psychologically. he took a red hot poker, and stuck it into my arm. and now i bar ehis face on my body. this is not something i'm ashamed of, rather it is a mark of pride. i am very proud of the fact that i watched someone else get branded, and then i stood my ground and got branded myself. it is a mark of pride. id is a mark of manhood. it is a mark of the symbolism of accepting your place in tucson arizona. jason krongaard paid my way, and i will ever be in his debt. thank you jason, for opening my eyes to new possibilities.

in which i drink for success
April 30, 2007, 4:21 pm

ok... so every other post?

i'm drunk a little. i got promoted today. i had a good talk with the toms and lewis and shayne. and we all got promoted and we are all managers now. it's totally cool, too. totally cool. now we're watching fellowship of the ring... i don't remember whyt... prolly cuzs i'm a nerd, and it was a good option after heroes and the sa vs den game.

in which i write some more
April 29, 2007, 6:17 pm

guess what. i'm not drunk. nor did i drink tonight. and, amazingly enough, nor did i puke today like i imagined i would. i felt really crappy tho. i constantly had that liquor taste in my mouth. only the true drunks know what i'm talking about. that feeling of almost puking, but you know it'll be awesome right afterwards, because you'll just be expelling all that vile crap from your body. speaking of last night, apparently i was housed. i was starting fights and yelling. i remember being there, but i don't remember the things they were telling me this morning.

it's slowly sinking in that i'm going to be a manager at bison witches. i've begun to notice a lot more respect and... expectation of responsible action from my bosses. today, tom was working and then asked me if it would be alright if he took off. i mean... i know he meant would things be alright, but in my head i heard "can i go now? can i have permission?" and it was really weird. but these days they just expect that i know what's going on around me. it's really cool, and yet now i'm constantly thinking about what i'm doing, and trying to decide if the toms would be cool with that. if i could be doing more. if there's anything i could be doing instead of being on break to help my coworkers. it's fun to experience myself becoming responsible, and at the same time, it's annoying to know that i can't just be a jerkoff anymore.

ah well. my paycheck should be astronomical on friday. i'ma be two shifts onto the back. which means most likely 100 hours of work. which means at least 20 overtime. which is just... just great. i so dearly want that futon...

in which i got drunk last night
April 29, 2007, 2:38 am

and i might throw up today. i dunno. i just feel a puking looming in the distance.

i bought a nintendo ds the other day. because wiis are nowhere to be found, and because i really wanted to get brain age. brain age is great by the way. i started at a 74 my first day, but now i'm down to a decent 29. i still suck at math tho. which is why i'm glad i have it. i'm also glad i had it for the trip up to scottsdale on friday for karl and erica's wedding. it was a great wedding, by the way. short wedding, fun reception. open bar too. i must admit, i drank my fair share of wine. but it wasn't until we got home and i headed off to bison witches that the drinking really began. i swear to you, i don't understand how those girls do it. much less tom, who is probably just waking up now, on the couch, in the bison witches office.

anyways. i had a good drunk talk with tom yesterday. he's the owner of bison witches by the way. bison witches is the bar and deli where i work [/recap]. we talked about what it would take to franchise a restaurant. location, employees, general handling. it was cool. i wouldn't mind franchising a restaurant. if i had the money to boost. first things first tho. gotta get a car. things are looking good on that front. i found a couple potentials up in phoenix.

i also went to the ikea store in phoenix, and promptly had my heart stolen. by a futon and a cute girl in the cafeteria. the futon i can handle, but how am i ever gonna find my ikea girl again? just walking around ikea is a nightmare by itself. but i still have the fork you gave me ikea girl. i asked you for a togo fork, and you said there were none. but then you looked at me slyly and told me i could take a real one. you wouldn't tell. it would be a reminder of this day. i still have my fork, ikea girl. too bad i left my heart.

the funny thing is
April 19, 2007, 7:53 pm

there are only like... 7 people that even read this journal. but it's really the only place i write words. i don't write anywhere else, altho i do post art at a lot of places. i need to get this thing working on my homepage again, just so people can know what's going on.

but then again, i need to start writing more. i want to start actually journaling again. i always start, and do it for like 2 days, and then stop for months. i just can't make it a habit. but i really really want to. i want to journal more. i want to draw more. everytime i see posts by aysha, and mal, and curtis, and rey. everytime i go to gingerbox, and hang out with all the hip young hyper kids. everytime i go to work and genuinely enjoy my job, only to have someone say to me at the end of the day "man, what are you doing here" after seeing my stuff. i'm the freakin piano man. people say that to me all the time, and i have no good excuse. but i want to draw more. i want to post more. i want to code more.

i want to do more. i started writing something. i only did a couple paragraphs, but it was fun to freeform the beginning of a story. i don't think i'll ever finish it... or even look at it again... but it was fun. different. i need different. i need fun.

i applied for a credit card at my bank today. i really hope i get it. i have absolutely no credit as far as i know. but i'd like to start building a good credit score. i get the feeling that soon this precious little existence i've had for the past year won't be enough. i need a car. it's not that i have places to go. but it'd be nice to not have to ask people for a ride. it'd be nice to just drive out to san diego for a weekend and visit my friends out there. ... or who knows... even show up for sdcc. it would be nice to not have an excuse anymore. "i can't do that, i don't have a car" hell, it'd be nice to have a driver's license for the first time in 7 years. it'd be nice to be able to travel. i've never traveled. i've never even seen the coasts. i've never done so many things because i always had an excuse why i couldn't. and now i really don't. my only excuse left is my own inability to get up and go out. my only excuse left is me. and i really don't want that anymore. i wanted a better body, and i took it. i wanted a better life, and i found a new one. i need to do that again. it's upgrade time in game world. i feel like i'm back playing majormud again. time to find a trainer and trade in some experience points.

... god i'm such a nerd....

what if
April 2, 2007, 4:33 pm

what if i had stopped

what if i had let you go

what if i never said hello

what if... what if...

this song is going on repeat. it's great. www.songstowearpantsto.com. it's greeat. trust me. i might be a littile drunl.. ... maybe. a little. tonight was good i stayed at bison. i drank a little. i bought drinks for cha.d we had driniks wir=th ... uh.. sarah.. and ... someone. i DONT KNOW THAMEM>>> you can t even blame nme;. suffic to say.. ohio losat, and that was not good, abuit tyrvevor got beat up, and that was awesome. also, i paid for driniks, ma nd that was voool. i like paying for other people's drinks. especially when they dont know about it. its nice to pay for peiopoe and have them not know, and then never tell them about itk,a nd jyust have themn wondert how they became drunk the night before. it's cool it's nice. i live ti.

nhight peool;e. have a good nightl.

in which i have a revelation
April 1, 2007, 4:29 pm

i think i don't want to draw anymore.

no wait. let me rephrase that. i don't think i want to sketch anymore. if a drawing isn't going to be brought to completion and be amazing, i just lose all interest in it, almost instantly.i want to produce amazingly awesome art, and i just find myself blocked by my own inability to try new things anymore. i remember being so fearless when i was young. i don't even have to remember... i can go look. i was adventurous in my art when i was young. but now, i find myself starting to draw, and saying, "this doesn't look right", and just giving up.

it sucks. i just want to be able to draw adventurously again.

sigh.

you make me fly
March 31, 2007, 2:09 am

new drawing. started this like a month ago. finally finished. tired. going into work. opened yesterday. closed. open today. closing. opening tomorrow. tired. tired.

and, in case anyone's interested. prints and event. by the way, this was drawn in opencanvas 4.5.06 and it is such an amazing upgrade to the program. if you have a previous version, you need to upgrade really bad. if you're pirating, you need to purchase this software. it's so so so SOOOO good.

draw post
February 2, 2007, 12:57 am

so i did a little drawing last night. i was looking through some of my old sketch books trying desperately to find some inspiration, and i think that i finally found some. this drawing is from a sketch i made all the way back in 99. that doesn't seem that long ago to me, but dammit if that wasn't nearly a decade ago. anyways, if you're interested i made prints available, and there is an opencanvas event also. i don't do enough things that are worth the time for printing, and i kind of liked the look of this one.

also, here's a sketch that i started last night. i found a list of generic characters, based out of the wheel of time world, that i drew back in 99, and i thought i would redraw the list now. hopefully i've improved some.